My Name Is Not Emo

Every story has an ending and this is mine...

This would be my last post in this blog... Life's been pretty hectic and apparently commitments had grown so much that I have to focus my whole attention on it, thank you friends and readers for the support last 2 months, this is a short blog but it's been fun. Mr Zhong, I'll become a reader now instead of your co-blogger!

I received 2 particular emails which I would like to share here, it's meaningful and hopefully it will get the meaning through....

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(1) Little Lion

One day, the young lion asked his mom: "Mom, where is the happiness?"
Mom replied: "It's on your tail."
So the young lion keeps on chasing after his tail. But after a whole day of trying, he failed to get the happiness that was on his tail.
Then he told his mom about this, his mom smiled and said: "Son, you don't really need to chase after your happiness, as long as you keep going and moving forward, your happiness will always be with you."

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(2) A Simple Story of True Love and True Care


I was born in a secluded village on a mountain.

Day by day, my parents plowed the yellow dry soil with their backs towards the sky.

I have a brother who is 3 years younger than me. I wanted to buy a handkerchief, which all girls around me seemed to have. So, one day I stole 50 cents from my father's drawer. Father had discovered about the stolen money right away.

He made me and my younger brother kneel against the wall as he held a bamboo stick in his hand. "Who stole the money?" he asked. I was stunned, too afraid to talk.

Neither of us admitted to the fault, so he said, "Fine, if nobody wants to admit, you two should be beaten!"

He lifted up the bamboo stick. Suddenly, my younger brother gripped father's hand and said,
" Dad, I was the one who did it!"

The long stick smacked my brother's back repeatedly. Father was so angry that he kept on whipping my brother until he lost his breath. After that, he sat down on our stone bed and scolded my brother,

"You have learned to steal from your own house now. What other embarrassing things will you be possibly doing in the future? You should be beaten to death, you shameless thief!"

That night, my mother and I hugged my brother. His body was full of wounds from the beating but he never shed a single tear. In the middle of the night, all of sudden, I cried out loudly. My brother covered my mouth with his little hand and said,

" Sis, now don't cry anymore. Everything has happened."

I still hate myself for not having enough courage to admit what I did.

Years gone by, but the incident still seemed like it just happened yesterday. I will never forget my brother's expression when he protected me.

That year, my brother was 8 years old and I was 11 years old.



When my brother was in his last year of secondary school, he was accepted in an upper secondary school in the central. At the same time, I was accepted into a university in the province. That night, father squatted in the yard, smoking, packet by packet.

I could hear him ask my mother, "Both of our children, they have good results? Very good results?" Mother wiped off her tears and sighed," What is the use? How can we possibly finance both of them?"

At that time, my brother walked out, he stood in front of father and said,"Dad, I don't want to continue my study anymore, I have read enough books."

Father swung his hand and slapped my brother on his face. "Why do you have a spirit so damn weak? Even if it means I have to beg for money on the streets, I will send you two to school until you have both finished your study!"

And then, he started to knock on every house in the village to borrow money. I stuck out my hand as gently as I can to my brother's swollen face, and told him,

"A boy has to continue his study; If not, he will not be able to overcome this poverty we are experiencing."

I, on the other hand, had decided not to further my study at the university. Nobody knew that on the next day, before dawn, my brother left the house with a few pieces of worn-out clothes and a few dry beans.

He sneaked to my side of the bed and left a note on my pillow; "Sis, getting into a university is not easy. I will go find a job and I will send money to you."

I held the note while sitting on my bed, and cried until I lost my voice.

That year, my brother was 17 years old; I was 20 years old.



With the money father borrowed from the whole village, and the money my brother earned from carrying cement on his back at a construction site,finally, I managed to get to the third year of my study in the university.


One day, while I was studying in my room, my roommate came in and told me,"There's a villager waiting for you outside!" Why would there be a villager looking for me? I walked out, and I saw my brother from afar. His whole body was covered with dirt, dust, cement and sand. I asked him,

"Why did you not tell my roommate that you are my brother?"

He replied with a smile," Look at my appearance. What will they think ifthey would know that I am your brother? Won't they laugh at you?" I felt so touched, and tears filled my eyes. I swept away dirt and dust from my brother's body. And told him with a lump in my throat,

" I don't care what people would say! You are my brother no matter what your appearance is!"

From his pocket, he took out a butterfly hair clip. He put it on my hair and said, "I saw all the girls in town are wearing it. So, I think you should also have one." I could not hold back myself anymore. I pulled my brother into my arms and cried.

That year, my brother was 20 years old; I was 23 years old.




I noticed that the broken window was repaired the first time I brought my boyfriend home.

The house was scrubbed cleaned. After my boyfriend left, I danced like a little girl in front of my mother, "Mom, you didn't have to spend so much time cleaning the house!" But she told me with a smile,

"It was your brother who went home early to clean the house. Didn't you see the wound on his hand? He hurt his hand while he was replacing the window."

I went into my brother's bedroom. Looking at his thin face, I felt like there are hundreds of needle pricked in my heart. I applied some ointment on his wound and put a bandage on it, "Does it hurt? " I asked him. "No, it doesn't hurt. You know, when at the construction site, stones keep falling on my feet . Even that could not stop me from working." In the middle of the sentence, he stopped. I turnedmy back on him and tears rolled down my face.

That year, my brother was 23 years old; I was 26 years old.



After I got married, I lived in the city. Many times my husband invited my parents to come and live with us, but they didn't want. They said, once they left the village,they wouldn't know what to do..

My brother agreed with them. He said, "Sis, you just take care of your parents-in-law. I will take care of mom and dad here."

My husband became the director of his factory. We asked my brother to accept the offer of being the manager in the maintenance department. But my brother rejected the offer. He insisted on working as a repairman instead for a start.

One day, my brother was on the top of a ladder repairing a cable, when he got electrocuted, and was sent to the hospital. My husband and I visited him at the hospital. Looking at the white gypsum on his leg, I grumbled,

"Why did you reject the offer of being a manager? Managers won't do something dangerous like that. Now look at you, You are suffering a serious injury. Why didn't you just listen to us?"

With a serious expression on his face, he defended his decision, "Think of brother-in-law. He just became the director, and I being uneducated, and would become a manager, what kind of rumors would fly around?" My husband's eyes filled up with tears, and then I said, "But you lack in education only because of me!" "Why do you talk about the past?" he said and then he held my hand.

That year, he was 26 years old and I was 29 years old.




My brother was 30 years old when he married a farmer girl from the village. During the wedding reception, the master of ceremonies asked him, "Who is the one person you respect and love the most?"

Without even taking a time to think, he answered," My sister."

He continued by telling a story I could not even remember.

"When I was in primary school, the school was in a different village. Everyday, my sister and I would walk for 2 hours to school and back home. One day, I lost the other pair of my gloves. My sister gave me one of hers. She wore only one glove and she had to walk far. When we got home, her hands were trembling because of the cold weather that she could not even hold her chopsticks. From that day on, I swore that as long as I live, I would take care of my sister and will always be good to her."

Applause filled up the room.

All guests turned their attention to me. I found it hard to speak, "In my whole life, the one I would like to thank most is my brother," And in this happy occasion,in front of the crowd, tears were rolling down my face again.


*Love and care for the one you love every single days of your life.* You may think what you did is just a small deed, but to that someone, it may mean a lot.

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Tadaaa, end of story...

A note to all friends out there,
You can't decide the length of life, but you can control how you want to live it.
You can't control the weather, but you can control your mood.
You can't change your look, but you can smile.
You can't control others, but you can control yourself.
You can't foresee tomorrow, but you can utilize today wisely.
You can't win everything, but you can try your very best to achieve that.

Somehow i find this thing being repeated so many times but till now i can never get it right...
I tried my very best but in the end it did not bear fruit, I shall walk and stand strong. Given the chance, indeed I would like to reverse time and start anew, but alas god is not so forgiving..., and yes, I will and still miss you...

Seriously, i got a huge concern about the society at the moment.. em, on 2nd thoughts, not just at the moment, perhaps it will persist til the end of my time.

And my concern is, the number of retards in this world are increasing fast, quite alarming if you ask me. The 'retards' that i am talking here, are not those born with mental retardation (for those who fall under this category, u definitely got my upmost symphathy) but rather those who are born with perfect mind capacity but they chose to act like retards.


This is what frustrates me the most. There are times where u feel confident doing something, but yet it is ruined by retards. There are times where u anticipate that there are retards in the world and u work hard to cover for them. But yet u still phail ( not typo, intended ) because there are just too many of them in this society. I am sure u readers did encounter such a situation before huh.

Okay, enough for the introduction of my today's post. Yesterday when i was reading one of the local newspaper, some how, one of this article title catches my attention.

'ISA has made country more peaceful'

The first impression when i saw it, i was like... wtf?! I dont know if the author/writer was being paid to come out with this shet in the newspaper as some government propaganda?! Okay, this actually strengthens my point the fact that, the number of retards are increasing and the writer here is one of them. He is trying to tell everyone that he very appreciate that ISA is here in the country to keep things in order. >.>

What a fcking retard we got here.. ISA is one of the MAIN reason why ppl holding protests on the street, to push the government to abolish it. How can the writer turn around and say that ISA made the country more peaceful huh? Okay, maybe recently there are a lot of so called terrorism activities going on around the world. Maybe we do need an Anti-Terrorism Act or something equivalent, at least it is a more specific type of act. But the way ISA was drafted is too wide, and almost anything under the sky can be used as grounds for national security.

For those who are not from Malaysia and dont know what does ISA means, nvm.. i will briefly explain what is ISA all about. ISA means 'Internal Security Act' , a piece of legislation which is draconian in nature. It empowers the home minister to order for detention and put any individuals into prison without trial as long as he felt that the particular individual is a treat to national security. Well, the Act itself did not define what does national security means, hence this power were abused by the government to shut up those who oppose the government. U dont need to look like Osama Bin Laden to be detained unlike the pic i got from the internet:

If u are born to have the similar look like him and u get caught becuz of that, then i got no complaints at all k? too bad lor, what to do

To put it simple sense, if the government wants to put u in jail, they can.. all they need is to come out with a ridiculous reason and detain u in jail on grounds of national security. To make it worse, if one is being detained under ISA on grounds of national security, the home minister can first put one into jail for 2 years and it can be renewed perpetually even for the next 1000 years. The only check and balance for this mechanism is under the application of habeas corpus to the court (illegal detention) which hardly works because the judiciary are quite reluctant to actually interfere with the executive powers. And the other mechanism is... by way of public scrutiny.

The problem about public scrutiny is that, malaysians tends to forget about one incident when a a few new incidents pop up in their lives. After some while, the public wont even bother to mention about it.

Lets take one of the incidents where ISA being invoked to put ppl into jail. One of the most ridiculous reason that ever came out by home minister when a whistle blower ( a journalist/reporter ) was being detained when she reported that one of the minister made some racism remarks which subsequently angered certain communities in the society. The reason given was to 'give protection' to the reporter, that is why she was 'protected' when being put into jail. Even someone with a peanut size brain could have come out with a better reasoning, and what saddens me is that, such reasoning came by a minister of malaysia. T.T (thank god he is no longer holding any minister post NOW )

This again, enchance my point that the level of retardation of certain ppl are really untolerable and it is increasing. And what saddens me the most is that, although there is so much a person can do about it, but theres also a certain limit to what a person can do. Unfortunately, there are times when u just cant do anything about it.

There is a thin fine line between stupidity and retardation. And it is often being mixed up and the terms being used inter-change-ably The difference between the both of it is that, if a person is stupid, it still can be 'cured' though one might not be transformed into a genius. But when comes to retardation, especially those who chose to be a retard, theres nothing u can do about it.

Okay, to wrap up my post today: do everyone's a favour, dont be a retard. Think before u do or say anything.

Lastly dont adopt the phrase 'if you cant beat them, join them'. It doesnt work that way.

=Mr Zhong=

If one day i were to stumbled upon a genie and given 2 wishes, my 1st wish would be eternal happiness for you and my second wish is that you will never discover who was the one behind the curtain blessing your happiness...

Before i start on this post, allow me to give a short excerpt on this badge...
"The shield, it will be observed, carries the letters V.I. in dark blue on a light blue ground, thus displaying the school colours. The star and crescent and the head of a Seladang will be recognised as symbolic of the State and its people. The key is the Key of Knowledge and the goals, wide and narrow, are the Goals to be won, not only on the football and hockey field, but in the world after school days are over."

Isn't it such a beauty?

Victoria Institution is a premier secondary scholl for boys (and girls for Form 6) and one of the oldest school in Kuala Lumpur. The school is widely known as V.I. and a student of Victoria Institutions bears the name VICTORIAN.

The school was founded by Sultan Abdul Samad, William Hood Treacher, Loke Yew, Thamboosamy Pillai and Yap Kwan Seng on Aug 14, 1893 and over the years it has produced distinctive individuals which made our counrty proud, or prouder. Among the luminaries are the likes of T.Ananda Krishnan, Tan Sri Francis Yeoh, Datuk Misbuk Sidek, Foo Kok Keong and even Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah of Brunei.

The list goes on, for a detailed version of the notable alumnis, please click here


Of course if i were to post the "consise" version of this school's history, it might take a few pages for this blog to load, so i'm going to the even "simpler" version...

This school had moved through the time line and created such impact that:

(1) It was enlisted and subsequently named "smart school" and "cluster school" by the Ministry of Education.

(2) Now it's even a tourist attraction of Kuala Lumpur with its new "heritage" status.

(3) Some good folk in POS Malaysia (ex-victorian?) decided that the school needed their own stamp when delivering letters and thus... TADAAAA...




I LOVE POS MALAYSIA!!


Well for starters, we could definitely publicize it that way....

Anyway, if there are anyone who would like to provide any form of constructive feedback / comment, nope, the comments are disabled...

This post is just to notify any Victorians out there, yes, we have our own stamp already, GO BUY IT!!!



and the last but not least...
(4) We have our own shopping mall too.... we build it on a historical plot of land.....

Stole the font getting smaller idea from PY

Life's unpredictable, much to say but not enough time to type it all out, will be on hiatus

Something nice to share with everyone....

sigh, one word to describe my feeling atm: FRUSTRATION!

just now, what happened was, i finished writing a post and i clicked 'publish post' and then error popped up and i was disconnected. TA DA~~! whatever i wrote just now all wiped clean as if i havent write anything before, now i have to re-write again zzz T.T

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okay, perhaps this is one of the few times that i am going to write what happened to me last week. Normally i would want to write something like that becuz i honestly dont think that ppl are interested to know what happened to me though. Anyway, i am writing this not becuz for the sake of writing it but rather i want to share some of my views regarding my alma mater.


Last week, i decided pay a visit to my alma mater, Victoria Institution which i spent good 7 years there = ). Its been years the last time i went back there for a visit though. Thank god, it is still standing tall and recently, it was granted 'heritage' status for being one of the oldest school in whole malaysia. Yes it is fortunate that it havent been demolished for the purpose of development unlike some schools though. ( i know this is sensitive, no offence intended k? )
= )


First of all, i am not a historian dude who can tell you the whole chronology of the school though. Okay, as usual, the first thing that i did when i went back there is to go visit the school swimming pool where the VI water polo team will be having their training there. And yes, i used to be a school and state water polo player (but thats the past though, i am old ad and no longer involve myself in that sport)


The first impression that i had when i saw them training was like 'Wow!', 'wow' not becuz theres a lot of guys wearing swimming trunks (mind you i am not Mr Ang, a friend of mine who is a homo), but 'wow' becuz they dont seems to be having training to me. They are like montessori kids playing around in the swimming pool, waaaaaaaaaaaaaay diff from those days where the players are being forced til you will die of exhaustion during training. (just a metaphor btw, but they really push you to the limits when comes to training)


I still remember those days where i was forced to train from monday til saturday, 6 days per week. When i asked the current boys about their training days, it was reduced to only 2 days per week. When i talked to them, none of them can recognise me anyway except 1 particular chap by the name of KK. He is a senior of the team and even invited me to join them for training, which i did, not on that day itself, but i joined them for training 2 days after that.


Guess what? after years away from the game, luckily i could still match with some of the seniors and easily performed way better than some of them and all of the junior players. Thats not becuz i am good but i would rather say that the standards atm are terribad (new word huh, not in dictionary). I wont take credits away from 1-2 top dudes in the team, they are really good though, but the gap between them and the rest are wider than the gap between earth and the moon.


This is what concerns me. These top dudes are going to leave the school soon and the team will be passed to the new boys which is going to lead the team. Trust me, they are not ready yet. Those glory days where VI retained the champion for 24 CONSECUTIVE years, and i am still proud of it becuz i was part of team at that time, the team back then was also invited to play against junior teams from various countries. My hunch is, they are going to lose badly next year competition if they dont buck up intensively starts from now. sigh


After the warm up, i went on do some water polo shooting session, my favourite part of training~ But the VI water polo coach (which the school hired him - hes just an ex player like me) tell the juniors to play.... WATER RUGBY? DEEPS INSIDE MYSELF I WAS LIKE WTFZOR??! Isnt that just another way of me saying ' hey do whatever u want with the ball with some basic rules'
He should be asking them to train together instead. but then again, i kept quiet when the coach told me that it will prepare the juniors basic necessary strength for the real game. YARRRRRRR RITE!!!( /sarcasm )


What to do?... time changed.


After the training, i did walked around the school. The building still pretty much looks the same to me except with some new paints and maybe some renovations. But the feeling is no longer the same... the epic-ness of the school is somewhat lacking. I dont know about how others felt about the school anymore, but mine is no longer the same, it was diff from those days where i was still a student.


I just have to accept the fact that, those glory days are officially over and its best just let it be remained in my memory forever. = (


=Mr Zhong= (shortest post thus far i reckon?)

WHAT THE F.....................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WROTE A POST SOOOOOOOO LONNNNNNNNNNNNG AND ALL IT TAKES ITS A POP UP ERROR AND MY WHOLE POST IS ALL GONE???!!

ITS NOT EVEN SAVED IN THE DRAFT SECTION?!?!

( i will delete this post- once i write it all over again... sigh)




/cut wrist
/fainted

This post carries a few meaning but never mind on that, it is encrypted for certain reasons...

Ever wonder why all the basic elementary courses are named 101?

It is the start and it is the end as well, it prepares one for whatever ahead and it spells an end for the past, to move forward and learn/experience something new.

Comments are disabled (even though no one ever commented on this blog...)

Again, a story I would like to share to everyone. You might have read this somewhere but PLEASE, read this story until the end, it is such and eye / mind opener. This story is for all the single, married, divorced, widowed individuals who take life for granted...

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Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us.


Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.


I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Let’s go fetch mother."


Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.


Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better."


Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."


Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter,whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure.


Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."


There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.


Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In her iew, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.


As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes. From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in
our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.



One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him:
"What did I do wrong?"


Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn’t possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.


During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife.


To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?"


He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.


The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes...


I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.


We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.


I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was then at a low point in my life.


Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.


Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?
At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.


I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy.
What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?


Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house.


Maybe he really intends to leave me for good.. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."


I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?


Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside.


As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarrelled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother..


Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in.


I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all. Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues as we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.


One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me.


I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death.


I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me:

Following mother's death so did our love for each other.



He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.


One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.


As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now."


He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.....


We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated. Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him.


I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him... From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet.


This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us?


Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him. Almost every day, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions.


He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore. It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, it’s like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment.


He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind:

In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?


He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor.

I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his...


I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long.


I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."


I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....


Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.


Hubby has also written a letter for me:


"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "


Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile.

Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...

==========================================================

Seriously i was brought down to tears as i read this, yes, emo man reading emo story....

Cruel misunderstandings one after another had disrupted so many things in life. Destiny's secret is usually revealed with a hefty price tag and when it happens, everything will become too late....

This might and might not be a true story but the learning point is :

DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!

If you were to keep your mind occupied with thoughts of
"Why did you did that last time?"
"I'm afraid history might repeats itself and you did the same thing..."
"I'm scared you will be the same again"
"I don't want it to be like last time..."
"I don't think we can solved what happened last time..."
etc.

The grudge will never goes off and what you're doing is simply digging a deeper hole and hid yourself in it. Why not face it and ask your heart? Do what you really intend to... Who do you really wish to be with when all else fails? and who was there for you when it happens?

I am totally speechless when I read this story the first time... as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger. Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in the story, as well as patience.

Hopefully the paradigm shift of thoughts happens to all of you out there and not only to me...

Sometimes this kind of email might actually change your day...
Forwarded email, click on the pics to enlarge it





and finally something which reflects my current life in office...


Click me

Don't worry, it's virus free, trojan free, malware free

You're not lost..... you just need directions

I received this through mail...

One day a traveler in a remote country town, convinced that he was on the wrong road, came to a halt in a village. Calling one of the villagers to the car window, he said

"Friend, I need help. I'm lost"

The villager looked at him for a moment.... "Do you know where you are?" he asked.

"Yes," said the traveler. "I saw the name of the town as I entered."

The man nodded his head, "Do you know where you want to be?"

"Yes," the traveler replied.

"You're not lost," he said, "you just need directions."


=======================================================================


Many of us are in the same position as the traveler. We know where we are - sometimes disappointed, dissatisfied, and experiencing little peace of mind. And we know where we want to be - at peace, fulfilled and living life abundantly. Like the traveler, we are not lost - we just need directions.

It doesn't take much to find the high road to success, but to reach it you need an agenda for the present. We all need directions for today. We need a purpose...

Lately I'd been thinking much on my own future. What dreams do I have and am I really walking towards it? Somehow my memories seems to fallback to those days in primary school when the homeroom teacher asked us what we want to be?

I still remembered the popular choices were Doctors, Engineers, Businessman and even Teachers!! I vaguely remembered for the 6 years I'd put in "Doctor" as my future job. But I'd grown to be realistic when I'm in Form Six. Science is something I like but not something I want to be... End up, my current ambition? Whatever will do as long as I'll be rich in the end. But with the pace I'm running at I will never get anywhere. I need directions desperately.

Before that, some random ranting....
My new Big Boss came in last week and we are all pushed towards our extreme limit (meetings starts at 7 and 6, that's 7.00 A.M and 6.00 P.M) so our new working time is "officially" 7 to 7. He set the bars really high for us and he showed us clearly the directions on the first day itself. No doubt he is a leader... But he's taking things too extreme I would say. Having a vision and fulfilling a 2 years vision in 1 week is too damn extreme...

SO back to the directions, yes now I have my directions, albeit still a little blurry but the fog is lifting up. I'm walking towards my goal at the expense of my health, life and also youth? I just noticed how my life had became of lately. My daily routine :

1. reached workplace at 6.45am
2. meetings at 7.00am / study the market till 8.45am
3. work till 12.20pm
4. lunch till 1.00pm
5. work till 5.45pm
6. meeting starts / if none, go home
7. study since i failed my fucking exam
8. sleep at 1.00am
9. repeats 1 again

I wonder how many years can i go on like this... my new boss is even proposing something more extreme...

1. reached workplace at 6.45am
2. meetings at 7.00am / study the market till 8.45am
3. work till 12.20pm
4. lunch till 1.00pm
5. work till 5.45pm
6. meeting starts / if none, go home
7. meet clients for dinner / socializing till like 10.00pm?
8. study since i failed my fucking exam
9. sleep at 2.30am?
10. repeats 1 again

hopefully i'll pass it this sitting, i could really get some good rest... I need it desperately...

Come, count how old you are....

I am a person who 'okay' with a consistent devil than an inconsistent angel. I can
always be putting myself on guard against devils but i cant be doing that all
the time against angels.

Yesterday, i went to one of the cyber cafe in KL with my cousin to play some online game to relax my brain a bit after long hours of classes. I was happened to put my name as 'Nurul Izzah' as my nickname because i personally thinks that she is hawwt. (For those who dont know who Nurul Izzah is, she is a MP and also the daughter of Dato Seri Anwar Ibrahim). During halfway playing, as usual, arguments started to heat up and players started to calling each other names and stuff like that. And guess what? Since Nurul Izzah is a malay name, and all these assholes cant even tell that it is just a nickname (Cuz they got no idea who Nurul Izzah is) and thought thats my name and started with all the racist nonsense remarks nonstop. Really wtf huh?

Okay, what i am going to write today is not just about my experience in cyber cafe yesterday. Its a widespread plague that i am going to discuss here, ie Racism.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really beh tahan (cannot stand) with all these ppl, what were they thinking when they making all those racist remarks? The more they making those remarks, the more i despise them, but does it matter to them? Nope. This is what i cannot tolerate, hypocrites.


It is a very typical situation where the younger generation of non-bumis, especially the chinese will keep complaining about how unfair the country treats them, how they were discriminated, how they were marginalised, how NEP gives the bumis huge advantage in every aspects of life...yada yada (the list goes on). But trust me, if you can simply pick one of those ah beng out in the cyber cafe and interview them what them about NEP, chances are, they will like having the biggest shock in their life, speechless. Thats because they dont even know whats NEP, they only complain complain non-stop not because they know NEP works, but they were being told that is it unfair, full stop.


Whenever a MP made a racist remark, everyone would be jumping up and down calling him to apologize and stripped off their MP status. Yes, thats what everyone would do, to criticize others ppl wrong doings without thinking if they are doing the same thing, being racist. I know the fact that its true that just because most ppl are doing the same thing doesnt mean MP was right in making racist remarks. Two wrongs does not make one right. I totally agree with that. Dont come and tell me that we are picking on them because they are MPs, thats why they need to show good examples to the ppl. Thats kind of ridiculous, isnt it?


My next question is, what is racist? So far i dont think theres a definite definition for that though, simply because the meaning of racist is so damn wide. Everyone is racist, trust me, it is just depends to what extent the level of racism is. I guess thats a human nature, that exists even in animal kingdom. All species do prefer they own kind on priority before the others, isnt it? i might be wrong though, if theres a species that dont prefer their own kind, please do let me know. Anyway, at least thats my stand i am taking here, that everyone is racist just with the differences in the level of racism. Dont believe me?


For example: ( A very hypothetical example, nothing malicious intended )
-> You were walking down a road near a park, where you suddenly heard someone screaming for help. You rushed towards the scene and you saw a lady was injured lying down unconscious on the floor and 2 men ( a white and a black ) were fighting against each other and theres a handbag on the floor. Which man is the culprit that first comes to your mind? Answers maybe varied from different ppl. Nice example huh?


Anyway, the level of racism in me is just mild, really mediocre, near negligible. = ) Thats a good thing isnt it? Well, i do make and take racist jokes and calling some of my friend names based on their skin colour and stuff. Thats for fun, nothing malicious. Same goes to malay who called chinese dudes as apeks, or indians as kelings..and vice versa. For those who are reading this shet right now, ask yourself now if you ever did that before huh? XD


However, when talks about political world, its even worse. After the so-called political tsunami on March 2008, theres been a big hu-ha going on saying that the ppl are tired of racial-based political parties (UMNO, MCA, MIC..etc -political parties) and start rejecting it. Neh~


I honestly think thats not true, ppl are rejecting the gomen of the day its because the way they run the gomen, the widespread corruptions, the going-backwards-economy...etc. If theres anyone rejecting it because it is race-based, it would not be the sole reason for it. I got no doubts that the gomen of the day are pretty racist in nature, some of them like to make racist remarks, for political gains, to garner supports from their own races. But some claimed that those race-based political parties are losing its relevancy fast in this 'new society', thats why people rejecting it and vote for non-racial parties, where the society care less about skin colour. This was supported by the fact that Barrack Obama elected as the first African-American US president (a better way to call a black person anyway).


I personally think it is still relevant, and it will remain relevant for a long time in Malaysia. Dont misquote me, I am all-out against racism but i am telling this is based on my own observation. Readers may have their own opinion about this whole racism issue. If theres anyone who wants to do away with all these racial nonsense, count me in and put me in the frontline. A world without racism, how ideal is that huh.


I do, at times, felt that, PR (Opposition alliances) are hyprocrites as well. They dont practice what they preached. They claimed that they are doing away with the racial issues.>_>
Proof? i can easily give a few good examples for that.


1. When Perak state were captured by PR, there has been a fiasco about the composition of races in the exco board. COME DA FCUK ON DUDES, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? DOES IT MATTER? seriously, i wouldnt mind if all are represented by malays, or indians or without any chinese in the board as long as i am not deprived of anything and everything runs smoothly.

2. When the assembly men sworn in, theres another fiasco when a few dudes refused to wear songkok during the ceremony in the palace. Seriously, you dont lose ur race identity in wearing the head gear just for the ceremony. Its like saying once you eat nasi lemak and you lose your chinese identity. Ridiculous right?


So far, it seems like i have been keep bashing on the opposition parties huh? Sorry though, i am not a fan of either BN or PR. If i were to choose, of course i will choose the lesser evil between both. I do think PEE-AR deserves a chance to prove itself but if they cant shake things up til then, i will spoil my votes to show my dissatisfaction in the upcoming next general elections.


I am a person who 'respect' a consistent devil than an inconsistent angel. I can always be putting myself on guard against devils but i cant be doing that all the time against angels.


One might ask, whats my hunch about this whole racism issue? Well, in order to eradicate this whole racism issue, i guess a radical reform needs to be done especially towards the education system or we will never see the so-called 'Malaysia For Malaysians' country, at least not in another 50 years to come. Just my hunch anyway, and i am not someone who is significant enough to be taken notice of. Lets just take a step at the time and lets hope for a better tomorrow!


Ahh, another lengthy post of mine, i hope you readers would give some constructive reply to my post though. = )

OooOoOo ya! BTW, My-Name-Is-Not-Emo reached 1000 hits milestone!!! wohoooo~ CHEERS guys! TQ to all the readers for da support!


Okay, its 3.05am, time for me to get some rest. Til me meet again~ Gnight



=Mr Zhong=

Once a person committed a crime and sentenced to prison, regardless whether
they were going to be rehabilitated or not is irrelevant. The public would still
have the bad perspective towards them as long as they stepped into prison
before. Thats the way it is...

Speaking of news that 3blups just wrote few hours ago, theres a quite important issue that he forgot to include, ie, the manaces of Mat Rempits (Hereinafter referred as MR ) in Malaysia. For those who doesnt know what MR is, they are a bunch of bikers which normally associated with abuses of drugs, robberies, and other social illment activites. Someone told me that perhaps its became more rampant these days due to recession and stuff like that. I told him, no, its not. MR problems have always been there, regardless whether we are facing recession, or armageddon.


There has been like 2 separate incidents regarding the rampancy of the MR involving snatch thieves and series of robberies that went reported on the newspaper last week. These assholes would not operate alone, they go in groups. One of the lady who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, she was surrounded by 15 of those MR in the morning while she was walking towards LRT station, she was robbed and subsequently got herself injured when one of those MR dragged her from his bike for a few metres. Sigh..

My concern is, what is happening to the country atm? What has it becoming to this country where i, myself cant even enjoy the basic sense of security when walking on the street. As the matter of fact, sometimes i do felt that my life is like a Russian Roulette, not knowing when i might be ended up as one of those victims.


The police force has been repeating on the press that they have been trying to clamp down on all these MR activities. But my question for them would be, is 'trying' enough? No, its not. Something drastic need to be taken. Of course, i was hoping that someone from somewhere will be taking up some vigilante actions like those superheroes in movies. Again, it is just a hope afterall, ya? At least now, we have elicited the fact that these MRs are not intimidated with police force.


Anyway, i wont be talking much about MR today. I am just highlighting whats happening recently and what i am going to talk today is about a concept/theory which has some relation to what i discussed above.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, lets face it, one of the most effective way to curb crime rates from going up is by way of imposing heavy sentencing. In order to have a bigger picture, first we need to know the mechanism of sentencing. Em.. Lets take the example given above, MR. As far as i am concerned, theres no such offence of being a MR though. But it is their actions of being a MR that can amount to offences,eg: drugs abusing, snatch thieves, robberies, extortion, speeding while doing stunt actions on their bikes... etc.


IF the MR that were involved in the incident that was reported in the newspaper were caught and being charged in the court, for example... under s384 (extortion) of the Penal Code which it is punishable for up to 10 years of imprisonment/fine/whipping.


Under normal circumstances, even if the perpetrators were found guilty of that said offence, chances are, after all the mitigation factors being put forward to the judge, the sentences imposed would not be the max penalty. And if the perpetrators were to plead guilty ( it saves the courts time ) when the charge was first read to them, normally there will be a reduction of 1/3 of the sentence. ( the reduction is not based on the max penalty given, but rather based on the sentence which will be given IF the perpetrators were to be found guilty in the later stages where they claimed trial ).


For example, Ali was found guilty of extortion under s384 of the penal code. The judge made a 1/3 reduction from the initial amount of sentencing that he would impose on Ali due to the fact that Ali pleaded guilty, lets give and take... 6 years of imprisonment. After 1/3 reduction, Ali would have to serve in prison for 4 years. And there would be a further reduction of 1/3 of his 4 years of imprisonment by reason of good behaviour. Well, perhaps in total of years that Ali would be put behind bars would be around 2 years+ and he would be release back to the arms of the public. Sorry for the convoluted explaination given , i did my best to simplify it and i hope you readers can understand it.


To be honest, with all the reductions here and there that can be given, i personally think that the sentencing that being imposed on them (MR) are perhaps too lenient and it does not proportionate to all the troubles and hardship being caused by them. Mind you that a large number of them are considered as 'child offenders' which below the age of 18. And as a child offender, he would not be sent to a normal prison per se, but he will be ended up in a special 'prisoners school' ( Henry Gurney Prisoners School - located in Malacca ) That would basically sums up that if you are a child and committed a crime, the sentence that you going to get is even more lenient than what i have discussed above.


Another example that was given to me by a lecturer of mine, if a child offender (eg, aged 17) committed rape and were found guilty, he would be sent to this prisoners school until the age of 21 and he would be released.


My first reaction was like... wtf??! only 3 years??! (sorry, not that i dont know how to count but one can only sentenced to this approved school for max 3 years only ) How about the victim who is going to be traumatised for her rest of her life by the incident? Seriously... something doesnt sounds right to me though, i guess it is high time for the parliament to actually amend the law to lower down the age further to be considered as a child. The rationale behind this whole idea of giving child offenders a more lenient sentencing is because it is presumed that these 'children' do not have full mental capacity to weigh as to what is right and wrong, what they can do and cannot do. HELLLLLLOOO?! when i was 17 years old, i can think like any ordinary adult does. We might be able to justify it for about 30 or even 20 years ago. But with the changing of the landscape of the society atm, children tends to grow mature even earlier. Then how can we now say that these so-called 'children offenders' do not have the mental capacity to think??


But one would come and argue that there is such a concept called the Rehabilitation Sentencing. The idea is to rehabilitate the offenders to turn them to a new leaf ( lesser sentencing -such as community service ) because just by imposing heavy sentences on them, once they were released, a number of them would be going back to the same way they were and start committing crimes again. It is for them to actually being welcomed back to the society after they served their time in the prison/community service and hopefully would not face any discriminations from the public.


However, I would personally find that this argument is rather flawed. Once a person committed a crime and sentenced to prison, regardless whether they were going to be rehabilitated or not is irrelevant. The public would still have the bad perspective towards them as long as they stepped into prison before. Thats the way it is. Yes, on one hand, it might be unfair to those who actually did change for the better cause, but on the other hand, he would have thought on all the consequences of his act before actually did it ended up in the prison.

However, thats not always been the case though, the offence of Drug Trafficking (s39B Dangerous Drugs Act ) carries death penalty but it is still rampant these days. T_____T


Dont get me wrong, sometimes i do believe the idea of rehabilitation do work at certain situations, i'm just not a fan of it as i would rather prefer Retribution or Deterrence type of sentencing. At least by imposing a heavy sentence to the offenders, it will send the clear signal to the public that crime does not pay! This will also shows that the courts disapproval on behalf of the community pertaining to the particular type of criminal conduct. For me, its simple, the longer we put the offenders behind the bars, the better.


How if we change the law to a very stiff and heavy penalty such as imprisonment up to 20 years as opposed to 7 years max atm or with additional of 10 times whipping even for petty crimes like theft? Or for those who found guilty of incest (something which i CANT tolerate at all), his penis would be chopped off? I think the number of incest cases in this country would drop drasticly to the extent of near non-existent. I guess if all these were being exposed to ALL LAYERS of the public, i would genuinely think that the potential offenders would have think like 10 folds more than he would now before committing a crime.


Of course, there are other factors and policies to be taken into account as well, but the basic arguments for today's post can be summarized as 'Retribution sentencing vs Rehabilitation sentencing'. With all the rampancy of crimes going on, i would hope that the courts will be taking cognisance about it and start imposing as heavy sentence as possible everytime they found any accused guilty of a crime.





p/s:Yes, i know it is another lenghty post of mine, but what to do? = ) sorry if theres any typo mistakes here and there though, its 4am in the morning now and i am darn sleepy atm. Good night~~


= Mr Zhong =

Much had been said / read / told lately in the papers and in the net, a recap of some news which i found interesting...

(1)
Mara Vying to buy space suit for RM 185,000.00

A quote from what Entrepreneur and Co-operative Development Minister Datuk Noh Omar said

“The suit is special. It could only be worn once, after which it would be disposed off, then there will be nothing to remind us of his historic feat,” said Noh.

Errm, as far as i know, a space tourist ain't much of a historical feat, and using our hard earned money to get into space and came back after doing some "experiments" is not some national hero act. Hell, the experiments results were even destroyed in the re-entry...

(2) Financial Crisis and Bailout

Much hype has been put on the RM60Bio stimulus package but strangely the mainstream media never did put much attention on how the government is sourcing the money and the actual effect which it will cause to the economy (as in the effect the deficit will cause on the economy). True enough that our country was not downgraded by the ratings agencies but that is for how long?

RM60Bio is not a small amount and neither too big too. Are we going to issue more government bonds to fund the spending? And when the bond matures, ahh, yes, we could print money to repay the investors of bonds. The issue concern here is the implementation of the whole package. Who will ensure that the fund will be distributed equally / correctly? The fund management lies in the jurisdiction of which party? The last quarter GDP growth was registered at at mere 0.1 percent but traders are already pushing that figure to some negative 2.0-2.5 percent in the next quarter. General market response was that ringgit will continue it northward movement to its year low of 3.7300. How much can the stimulus package help in creating a better market sentiment? I have no idea how it helps others, but definitely it did nothing to my part...

(3) Teaching of Science and Maths in English

As i was browsing our former PM's latest blog entry, his writings on this matter finally do some justice to our country. The man that proposed to implement BM into our education system is now lamenting on the decision itself. Definitely a must read...


An excerpt :

12. Ilmu sains dan matematik bukan ilmu yang statik. Ilmu-ilmu ini berkembang sepanjang masa. Tiap hari ada hasil kaji selidik, penerokaan, ciptaan dan perluasan yang diperkenal melalui ratusan kertas-kertas yang ditulis.

13. Hampir semua ditulis dalam bahasa Inggeris. Untuk menterjemah tulisan ini kita perlu orang yang fasih dalam bahasa Melayu dan bahasa Inggeris dan faham ilmu yang hendak diterjemah.

14. Kita ada beberapa kerat sahaja orang yang berkebolehan seperti ini. Itupun dalam dua tiga bidang sahaja. Orang yang layak seperti ini tidak berminat menjadi penterjemah seumur hidup. Apabila sains dan matematik diajar dalam bahasa Melayu, orang seperti ini tidak akan ada lagi. Bagaimanakah kita hendak ikuti perkembangan ilmu sains?

Previously Mr Zhong did some detail elaboration on this issue, Read it HERE

Too freaking tired, will continue in part 2

As I was crossing some super busy road today, I saw something which I never thought of....

Anyone ever noticed how some people will use their hand to cover their nostrils when a truck / lorry / bus passes by? To reduce the inhale of smoke eh?

I mean, what's the point? By covering with your hands does it reduce the smoke in any way? Isn't it better if they were to hold their breath? Seriously I don't see the justification here... Why cover up when the truth is you yourself know that it makes no difference?

Don't you think it's troublesome to hold your hands and cover your nose? You might even obstruct your view when crossing the road....

Do you think the air will be cleaner that way? Or do you want to appear that you're a class above the others? That you shall breath in better air that way?

Or was it because you want to cover it because someone influenced you? Some passerby do it and asked you to follow suit because it's cool?

For me I admitted the air is not that good and I breath in bravely, I know it'll hurt my lungs in the long term, but I feel that I did the right thing, at least I faced it bravely.... I choose not to run away from the evil smoke....

Worse is in the end, my life will be shorter by 100 days? At least I won't regret it...





some random chat......

®àñâRçHî§T© says:
i know this is very kolot but every 1 min you're angry or sad..
you lose 60 secs away..

.:: wkong ::. says:
then i think i shld be dead already
=(

In movies, they usually say that when a person is facing death itself, then images of life will flash past them without them realizing... Images of people they care the most, words that matters the most, events that matters the most etc...

At this critical time of intervention, the mind will only process things that he/she needs most....

I finally saw it today while i was crossing the road while my mind was occupied... It's truly beautiful... This may sound insane, but if given the option, i would love to experience it again, it's so calming and unbelievable... I saw images that i would love to live with for my whole life... I know what my heart desires....

It's all gone in an instant by an abrupt honk but i would say it's definitely worth it... I'm not delusional and insane but it does really calm my mind at the moment....

Is there a scientific study on this subject?

One year ago, i was still studying in Uni wondering where I'm headed for my future... All of us are pretty unsure of where we should head and which path should we trod, yet we boldly took our path (or at least God chooses it i think)... 1 year is not too short and yet long enough for us to start forgetting what we held to the utmost importance in our heart...

(1) 猪朋狗友

"猪朋狗友" (Pig and Dog Friends) i think i'm fortunate enough to be blessed with some. One year ago, i admitted that i did left them at the road side (or was i dumped at the road side?). I dedicated my life to something which i valued the most and i never regretted it till today. And today i'm really fortunate that they are still beside me, thanks!



Paiseh, couldn't find any "Happy Family" Pics, this is the best i could find...
I know sometimes we do have "bite marks" with each other but that's the best part of life isn't it, at least we have something that we could reminiscent of...

For instance how we use to skip classes, "kap lui", our "blow water" session at mamak etc, or even the timeS we raped socialize with beloved Ang. It sure bring back lotsa fond memories

(2) I'd met some new friends....
For the past 3 years in my uni life, i'd met some friends which i'd grown really close with, thanks for leaving such nice footprints in my heart =)



(3) I got my own car!!
Previously back in school days, all of us (almost all) have to rely on HK to drive us/drop us/pick us up at LRT station or some bus stop. He's the only one who drive a car back in school days, now we can proudly return HK's favour! (or maybe only one can't....)

(4) 3 years effort for one piece of paper...
I was studying in USM for 3 whole freaking years and i'd finally graduated! Yes, i'd learnt to live by my own and life has never been better after my graduation day. The best part of it is when i went for my job interview, instead of asking for my degree transcript, the interviewer asked "can i have your SPM examination result?" They did not even requested my STPM results..... Gosh

(5) Fell in love
I'd fell in love with the girl of my life. She's everything i need and complements well to my weaknesses. Words couldn't possible how much i love her but i'd found a song which matches closes to it... From 童话 (Tong Hua) by Guang Liang

也许你不会懂 (Perhaps you never knew)
从你说爱我以后 (From the moments you said you love me)
我的天空星星都亮了 (All the stars in my sky have brightened up)

(6) I broke my heart
I'd lost her... It's painful.

(7)I think I saved a little Rhino
or maybe a I'd fed a few extra leaves, instead of donating to help some poverty stricken kid, i'd donated to save a rhino...
The amount is very minimal but i sincerely hope it did something good towards the preservation of rhinos in the long run. Hopefully my kids in the future could still have a chance to view one...


(8) My eyes are brighter
I never knew that the mainstream media managed to hide so many news from us, how the heck did they do it? I am so darn happy that i'd registered to vote for the last election!!! For everyone out there, try to take the blindfold down, peek into the real world, and see how badly informed you are... For starters, try googling these words :
Valuecap Sdn Bhd
Teresa Kok
or better go read Malaysiakini

It's not free but if you're a cheapskate like me, go click the BM/Chinese version, it's free. I'm buying a subscription soon....


(9) I saw a whole cycle of life
I saw a relative of mine past away and at the same time my older cousin had a new member in his family. I myself had a few near death experience while driving and I'd learned the "fragility" of life. One moment you're still here, the next moment I might be floating in mid air wondering what happened.... Treasure the "now" moment. Be blessed by the fact that you're so much better than someone out there...

(10) I'm older....
8th March 2009 and i'm 24 years old, Happy Birthday to myself.

This is the 1st time i sing myself a birthday song and blew my own lighted up candle...

This is the 1st time me and my friends had a really impromptu trip and managed to cash out from the Genting... (thanks for the great experience guys!)

This is the 1st time i feel so lost in my life and so tired...

Anyway, Happy Birthday to myself...

Mind all of you, as much as we can hope for a better results or impact of
the policy implemented, we should give more time to it instead of having
flip-flop decisions from now and then. It is the students that suffers from
flip-flop decisions when comes to education issue, not others. Dont fix what is
not broken and 2 wrongs does not make 1 right.

After I finished my spm, I got a choice to whether to pursue my further studies in Form 6 or A-Level. Well, in the end, after series of discussions with my family members and friends, I decided to take up Form 6 with the intention to enter into Malaysia local Universities.

That was way back in the year of 2003, and that was the year where the government of the day(hereinafter referred as gomen) implemented a policy into our education system to teach math and science in english after long debates for them to actually find out that the importance of the english language in this modern globalisation era. At that point in time, the english standards in the country has dropped to a very serious level which nearing the borderline of untolerable.

My english standards is just mediore, so for me to actually come out with such a statement, it shows how bad it was the situation back then.

When the gomen announced that policy, perhaps I was one of the first person who welcome such a policy though there are a lot of uncertainties lurking somewhere in my mind. One would ask, what are there to be uncertain about? The policy do affects me as well, as my batch would be the first batch (Form 6) that the math and english subjects will be taught in english after all the years that i been learning it in bahasa malayu (Malaysia's formal language). Initially, I was a bit anxious mainly because I was worried that I couldnt cope with the sudden change in language medium for those subjects.

After months of adjusting myself to the new implemented policy, I started get used to it and as the matter of facts, I becoming more comfortable to it to a certain extent.

Today, 7th March 2009, its been 6 years after the policy was implemented, a big hoo-haa took place, where a huge rally demonstration protest took place in the center of Kuala Lumpur. I was walking on the street to college where i saw this huge group of people holding banner and stuff rallying on the street causing massive traffic jams everywhere, with curiousity creeps into me, I decided to walk nearer to find out what was it all about and even took photos with it on my handphone. Initially I thought they are protesting about some HUGE issues, about abolishing ISA (Internal Security Act), or about Constitutional issues, or maybe about human rights...ya da ya da. But i was stunned when I look closely to one of those banners that they are holding....

JESUS CHRIST!! THOSE RETARDS ARE PROTESTING ABOUT TEACHING MATH AND SCIENCE SUBJECTS IN ENGLISH~! WTH, WTF IS GOING ON?!? ( no, my capslock is not stucked, but i rather put it in capital words to emphasize on how ridiculous can that be ) Yes, I was so disappointed with the cause of their demonstration, where there are other major issues that has been going on in this country which I just stated above. For those who can actually smell what am i going to write next, that would be good, for those who dont know, dont worry. Just keep on reading it.

[TL;DR version: PLAIN RANT ABOUT THE PROTEST ON SUCH A PEANUT SIZE ISSUE ]
TL;DR means Too long; Didnt Read


-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Its been good 6 years that the gomen implemented the policy to teach math and science subjects in english. Millions of ringgit has been poured into various programmes to ensure that the policy work. Thousands of teachers were being put under english courses to ensure that they are capable teaching those subjects in english. Yes, many argued that the policy did not turn out the way we all want it to be, it still did not meet up the standards that we are hoping for. You (readers) can disagree with whatever i said here and having your own opinion on certain matters are your rights.

BUT what i can tell is that, by implementing it, at least we are heading towards the right direction, ie to improve the english language standards in the young generations for them to compete in such a competitive modern era of globalisation. I am sure a lot do agree with me that we are on the right track atm and all we need is more time to actually see the positive impacts and results of the policy.

To me, I think the gomen did made a wrong move by announcing that they are going to do a review on the effect of the policy after 6 years of implementing it. Whats with the sudden decision to review it now?! What they do not realised is that, by announcing so, they actually opened the pandora's box. To be honest, I dont really know if they actually forsee all these nonsenses coming by doing so, or maybe they purposely does that. This has given opportunity to those opportunists to take advantage of it for personal political gains.

From the crowd that i saw today, it does not only consists of teenagers and adults, but i even saw some kids tagging along. I did asked myself a question, if I were to randomly pick one of those teenagers or even kids from the crowd and ask them what are they protesting about, chances are, they dont even know that they are actually 'protesting' about and I would not blame them, since they are still too young to understand the nature of it. As for adults, I dare to say that, some of them do not know the nature or reason for the protest that they are doing at that time. This is what saddens me the most. They are being used and yet they do not realise it, could not get any more retarder (theres no such word as retarder right? T.T ) than that.

I will go all out condemn all those mofos politicians out there who are using every opportunity they have by using all means necessary in trying to garner supports from the public. If theres anyone with the right to complain about this issue, it will be the students themselves not politicians. Some students might be facing difficulties due to the implementation of such policy but if thats the ground for abolishing it all together doesnt seems proportionate though. Perhaps what we should do is to look into the matter thoroughly and make amendments to it and not abandoning it after all the efforts and resources that being put in.

For those who didnt realise, all the retard demostrations about this issue are being brought up by politicians who are trying to be champion of their own races, malay, chinese, indians, all the same. 'We must preserve our own language bla bla bla..standard lines there'. Seriously, for those who are doing so, please do me a favour, go fck yourself.

Mind all of you, as much as we can hope for a better results or impact of the policy implemented, we should give more time to it instead of having flip-flop decision from now and then. It is the students that suffers from flip-flop decisions when comes to education issue, not others. Dont fix what is it not broken and 2 wrongs does not make 1 right.

Please, Alas, I urge all of Malaysians, do not simply refer anything under the sky or pass any not-so-important memorandums to the YDP Agong. Even if you do, make sure it is about something significant or some paramount important issues not some petty petty issues such as teaching math and science in english. We have more major issues than that to worry about atm, ie to prepare ourselves for the global recession which getting worse each day.

Yes, I am getting a bit emo with the country now. Emo because our country in such a sad state atm and yet nothing much is done to actually improves it. Things which need to be done, is not done, things which are so trivial, are being prioritised. There are various of brilliant ideas and ways are being put forward by Tengku Razaleigh, a highly respectable veteran leader (http://razaleigh.com/) to improve our current state of the country were not even appear on the mainstream media for some reasons ( I will talk about that some other time ). To be honest, sometimes I do felt that this country is moving backwards because of personal agendas of all those who walk in the corridors of powers are being prioritised above the people.

I guess I will stop writing here as I am not an articulate person to start off with. I been getting a little too verbose again today and I know for a fact that some of the readers prefer to read some shorter type of posts but I dont have much choice today as the topic that I wrote above makes me feel like want to rant about it nonstop.
(edited)


=Mr Zhong=